I Must Be The Asshole Here

I have always tried to be someone who watched out for others…tried to be the one that people could go to. But eventually, even if you give your everything, you always end up getting shit on. I have never felt so much hurt from one person as I have last month.  It’s been like; everything flipped over and was stepped on and destroyed, in one instant. But even though, I continue trying…either to make conversation or whatever the case may be, it isn’t enough. It never will be enough. It makes me wonder if it was EVER enough. I am done trying. I am moving onward with my life now…No more allowing myself to get hurt over and over and punished over and over. I tried, so now I will bow out with grace and honor because that’s what I have. Not playing these games with people anymore. Not playing the he said she said, what goes around comes around nonsense anymore. You don’t want to include me in your life, than I am done including you in mine. Done.

And like I said, moving on…….

Wedding is in 5 months!  157 days actually!!! Gah! I can’t believe it is almost here. I have been working so hard to get everything ready and done. There is still SOO much stuff that we have to do.  But everyone keeps telling me one thing at a time. I would be able to take on one thing at a time if people would stop dicking around. I would be able to do things, one at a time, if the people who are SUPPOSED to be helping me…were around. The biggest obstacle hasn’t been planning or coming up with ideas for things. The biggest challenge has been trying to get all of the bridesmaids on the same page. It is been an issue trying to hang out with these girls. I have seen Shana once since we started planning stuff. I haven’t seen Amanda, since the dress measurements. Bethany started a new job that she travels for…Dawn, well…she is around lol.   Aja isn’t even an issue anymore because she bailed out of the wedding.  I don’t understand why it is SO hard to get people to want to see me, do things for this wedding that THEY said yes to being in,  Or whatever the fuck. I am getting soooo irritated by everyone that it has gotten to the point where I feel like I don’t need to involve anyone in anything regarding this wedding anymore. I will and probably could just do it myself.

But If I cut people out….I am being the selfish one. I am being the bridezilla and I am pushing everyone away……     –rolls eyes-     It never fucking ends.

Wish someone would just make this shit a little easier.

Waiting on some answers,

-J.C.