Wednesday, April 11, 2012


A Bitter Taste In My Mouth

The past couple of days I have had this gnawing feeling in my stomach that seems to be eating me from the inside...and trying to come out from the surface. I have been trying to focus on positive things...I have been trying to look forward to something better, but it seems like all this garbage comes up again and again. 

I posted something on Facebook the other day, and I am going to paste it here so you can all read it if you missed it: 
"I just read an article about Jessica Vega...the girl that had leukemia and people donated to let her have her dream wedding because she said she had less then a year to live. Turns out, it was all a scam to get money for the wedding. People donated thousands of dollars to this girl...and it was all a scheme. They even sent her and her new husband to Aruba for a honeymoon.
Now, this pisses me off so fucking hard...why? Because theres people like Adam and I who work SO hard to have the things we have. I have spent so much money already to buy things for our wedding and we STILL had to postpone it because it's just impossible to save that kind of money for our dream wedding, when theres nothing but bills we have to pay. We cant even afford to move in together and we have to put our entire life on hold because of these reasons.
Now, WHY in the fuck was it SO easy for this woman to scheme and scam SO much money to have a beautiful wedding, but companies wouldnt even blink twice to help to a couple like Adam and I? We want to have a beautiful wedding too, but we just cant come up with the money to have our own happy day. Dont two hard working people who love each other deserve a stunning wedding too?
Shes being held in county jail on all sorts of charges, but you know what? She will always have the memories of that fabulous wedding and her honeymoon to Aruba. But meanwhile, we STRUGGLE to put together a wedding thats a quarter of the size of the one she stole.
Maybe I am just bitter because people who are fucking flakes get to have such wonderful things....but people who word hard to have a nice life get shit on. I hope she feels like a butt hole for doing this...Because there are people who really ARE less fortunate that deserve that kind of wedding and kindness from companies. Shes just a lazy bitch who deserves everything that happens to her from now on out. Karma, mother fucker. Karma" 

So yeah, I guess thats one thing thats been kind of driving me insane. This bullshit is all we have been hearing on the news and its been all across all of the newspapers. Its ridiculous...I really think this girl is such a piece of shit for doing this...and it makes me so fucking mad that people who REALLY need help with their weddings cant receive it, but people who lie and cheat and steal can have everything they wanted? Fuck the system...and fuck her. I hope she gets raped in prison by butchy women with broom sticks....

And, I just found out today that my baby sister, Amber, got married. MARRIED?! She just turned 18 in January. I feel like I should have been the first to change my last name. After all, I am the older one, right? After all, I am the one thats planning a wedding...The one thats engaged....the one thats 25 years old. Am I jealous? Yes, maybe a little...But its so hard watching EVERYONE i know get married...and I am struggling to put together a wedding so I can marry the man i love. It fucking hurts. I feel like I am missing out on so, Life has handed all these people beautiful gifts and I am the little kid in the corner that didnt get to pick from the grab bag.

But, I keep trying to tell myself, everything will fall into place...Good things come to those who wait...Patience is a virtue....Just relax....breathe Jayme....

When the stars are smiling down on people....please, dont forget about me.

Waiting for something drastic to happen,