Once again, my days have seemed to have collided into each other. Everything seems like a blur. I havent been able to get onto my laptop for about 4 days now, but i will explain why in a bit. I guess, lets start at the beginning of last week, sometime.
I worked at Friday's on June 14th...that following Wednesday morning, i get a phone call around 7:30 AM from female manager saying how shes getting my shifts covered until our GM gets back from vacation...So i was suspended. She told me to come in the following Monday around 2PM to speak with him. So, Monday rolls around, and I had to call a good friend of mine to come pick me up so he could bring me to Friday's for my meeting with the GM...I get there, right on time...and then Im told that the GM isnt coming back from vacation until the following day and they werent sure why i was told Monday when female manager knew perfectly well when the GM got back. Awesome job, cunt...you wasted my fucking time.
So the following day, I get there around 2:30 and I had to sit and wait for almost a half hour before the GM would speak to me. Some shit about a conference call. So finally, we sit down, and he starts the conversation off with, "Im sorry, but we no longer have a job here for you." And THEN says, "But tell me what happened." What the fuck does it matter if i tell you what happened? I could tell you pink circus elephants ran through the dining room that night and it wouldnt have mattered one bit what came out of my mouth...So, beings i was already fired...the words that flew out of my mouth came out like liquid fire. I told him what happened with the table that complained and how the table next to it told the other manager on duty how they didnt know what was going on but i was a great server. I told him I thought it was wrong that female manager was the one to speak to me when HE was the one that wrote me up...he proceeded to tell me that he only came in to do the write up and told her to speak to me...I told him that I thought it was ridiculous and unprofessional that he couldnt speak to me when he was the one who did the write up. He tells me that it was his vacation and time off, so thats why he didnt. And i told him that it was HIS responsibility as the manager that wrote me up to talk to me and that female manager was rude to me when she did. He said he would address it with her. (yeah right!) I told him i was upset i had to drag my ass there the day before for no reason...he said he told female manager to call me....i told him she didnt, so that was a direct failure in management, like always when it came to her. I told him that things have gone into a downward spiral since she got there and will continue doing so. He replied with, I can say the same about your serving. Thats what lit the fire...I said, No, excuse me...this isnt a tit for tat nor is it a reason to insult me...as the general manager you are obligated to treat your employees, firing them or not, with respect...and i didnt insult you, do not insult me. He said the only thing he could do for me wasting my time yesterday is buy me lunch. I told him, no thank you...i didnt want anything from him and as far as i was concerned that meeting was over. He said i could use him as a reference for another job. I stood up, and said, As i said, i do not want anything from you, and once again, thank you for wasting my time...I said good bye to the other manager that was sitting there, and walked out.
I thought it was going to feel more like a walk of shame walking out of there, but it didnt. I held my head high. I was proud of the things i said...they were true and i hope they hit home for him...and maybe hopefully something with be said to female manager... Even though I was wrongly fired, beings we are in the lovely state of NY, employers do not need a reason to fire...So, the job I loved and loved doing is taken from me...leaving me with nothing. For a second there, i was slightly discouraged on my life long dream on owning my own bar and grill...but who is he to make me feel like that? My dream still stands.
Then, merely a few days later, my mother decided she wanted to have one of her fits. She told me she was sick of the bullshit and that I needed to move out. I have a week to do so. Why, you ask? Because thats what she does. She complains about how she gets no help...how she does everything and how we are supposed to be a team...but truth be told, i DO things around the house. Just a day before this argument with her, i cleaned. I made sure everything looked nice for when she got home from work. She didnt have anything to say then, now did she? Now, its not that i despise my mother for doing what shes doing...im just in a seriously rough spot right now, and she has to put more burden and stress on me. She KNOWS i dont have anywhere to go. She knows if she throws me out, then I will end up living in a park or something somewhere...I have nothing. How am i supposed to make something of my life and get back on my feet when shes not giving me any air to breathe? I am so lost right now, its not even funny. To make it even better, She unplugged the router so I cant even have internet to apply to jobs or ATTEMPT to find somewhere to live and she told me I couldnt use the washer and dryer. I am afraid to shower or eat anything for fear of setting her off even more. I cant do anything without messing it up more, so i sit in silence, locked in my room...ive been doing it for days. The less she sees of me, the better.
I havent been this depressed in a very very long time. I feel like there isnt anything that i can do to make my life better. There isnt a way...no hope...not even a glimmer of some sort of break from all of this.
I dont think I ask for too much. All i want is what anyone else would want...A decent job, a place to live that i can call my own....I just hurt so bad. I feel like the weight of the world is on my throat...Im drowning...falling deeper and deeper into this depression...Ive been crying so much that it burns my eyes to the point where i fall asleep without warning...I vomited this morning from coughing so much...
I thought things were going well...that i was finally making something of my life...that i was finally an asset to society...and then all that BULLSHIT happened with Fridays, sending me back into a world of shit and poverty.
I should be used to this. I should be used to this cycle I have lived for my ENTIRE life. I have never had it easy, ever for a little while...I have always struggled...and i will continue to struggle and be brought down. There isnt anything that can stop it because this was the life i was born into. These were the gifts I was given...
Yes, I have dreams and desires...but the way things are looking...This is it for me. Feeling empty and sad, locked in a bedroom, while the world spins around me.
I wish, with everything I had, that i had wings that work. I dont want to be here anymore. I feel like when i come back to NY, it sucks the life right out of me. But, I have no choice but to stay and suffer. I have never made anyone proud before, why bother starting now?
I think im going to be sick again.
With bile burning my throat,
-J.C.
