She Comes On Like A Crippled Play Thing

Something is quivering inside...like a seed has been planted. It's rooted itself.

Festering inside a make believe womb.

But I wont believe it until I see it. 

It runs through my blood...highly toxic...I have infected you with my poison...

And for that, I owe you life. 

I can feel drums mimicking my heartbeat...echoing inside my hollow skull. 

Nothing seems right. Nothing seems sacred anymore, fore you have violated me.

Rocking to the beat, pulsating to the rhythm...every corpuscle throbbing with wonder.

If it takes breaking me down to nothing to fix me...do it...break me.

Beat me, hurt me, lie to me, make it bleed. 

Rip me up until you're satisfied with the mess you'll leave me as.

I never want it to stop...

I love these bruises.

I love the torn flesh. 

I love the whimpers I make when you rake your nails down my damp thigh.

I love the way the tears sting my eyes.

I have never felt this good...sober.

Take what you need...

I want you to strip me to the bone.

And then gnaw on those and take your fill. 

I have everything and nothing to give at the same time.

And please, take it all. 

 

Die Öffnung meiner ganzen Seele

-J.C.

Birthday Massacre

Another year has flown by. Yet again, the cycle continues to spin...and I feel like I am in the same place i was last year...metaphorically of course...

I wish i was in a different place then i was this time last year...but i'm not. Im still floundering and digging for something that I feel like will never come....and the harder i push for it, the farther away it seems. 

Is there something wrong with me? Am i that difficult to be around? I keep saying...I'll give this one more shot...but yet, every time i try it one more time...it fails....miserably. I feel like, I can just already call the outcome and save myself the fuck you at the end of it. Nothing survives. 

I am so fucking turned around...displaced...and ridiculously sober...and i fucking hate it. 

The quiet is scaring me because it screams the truth....im alone. 

You are by yourself and you are nothing. 

How much longer do walk this thorn covered path that is my life? It's digging itself in...deep, tearing apart my flesh. 

Wounds reveal who we are.

No, they make you weak. 

Am I weak? Is the world my chew toy? 

The world fucking hates you.

Im so much more then meets the eye.

Then they must be blind.

Break me.

You have already been broken.

Happy 24th birthday to me.

Goodnight,

-J.C.

Welcome....

......to The Elsewhere...

my land of fantasy...

throw away all your clothes and come out from behind your darkest little fears...

Welcome to The Elsewhere...

I'm so glad you come...to my land of fantasy...

 Lets Propose A Toast.

Cheers,

-J.C.

I Arose And Devoured The Sun And The Moon

The night was wet and so dark like the way the ocean looks at twilight. 

Swirling and eerie. 

I let myself fall into it's abyss and sunk deep into it. 

Falling. Falling. Falling. 

Fell. 

Hard. 

My head is swirling, spinning out of control with the thoughts that are filtering through.

Disgusting, dangerous and daring thoughts. 

Things I want to explore. Taste. Touch. Tantalize.

Violate. 

Rip apart. Tear through...

Let me stay inside.

Wrapped inside your rib cage.

Dancing only for you,
-J.C.

Like The Rising Tide...Beating Hearts Grow But Never Die

It's pouring outside. I can hear it clinking off my window, as I lay in my bed...pondering what day break will bring for me. 

As time drags on...I long for sleep to over take me...pull me under it's cloak...wrap me in it's fog. 

Nothing feels real right now. It's like were in a dream...and we are waltzing under a maple tree that's shedding it's red and gold leaves, I'm singing for you...

"Just say that you'll be with me. Just say that you'll be there. Just say that you'll be by my side...When the storm subsides"

The rain fills the quiet of my bedroom...it's almost haunting. There is so much on my mind. Echoing inside. 

The sky is dark tonight...stars are barely visible through the clouds of this Autumn rain. It feels like there is change under foot...Change that should have happened many moons ago. 

May the Gods watch over me on this journey...this new adventure. 

I rest my eyes...my head...and go back to the dream...

Waltzing, hand in hand...under an apple tree now...with red, shiny apples all around us...glistening in tomorrow's sunlight. There is a chorus singing...and an orchestra with broken strings playing for us...

Lets wake the world and deities loom nearby to watch our power grow...I won't let these walls over take us. Not tonight...not on such a beautiful cold, rainy night. I found this in my skies. 

Destroying the silence,

-J.C

You Could... If You Wanted To...

I could be your night terror...making you gasp for air in the middle of the night.

You could be the one under me, begging me to take every pulsating inch of you deep into my body.

You could trace your teeth along my throat...feeling the blood pulsate. And then take a bite out of me...

My mouth wouldn't open at the point of climax...my teeth clench and I bare them in response to the pleasure.

So you could see that...

You could see the way my golden hair falls across my moist red lips...

You could feel the way I arch myself against you, grinding against you, welcoming you in deeper...with a hunger so fierce I would cry. You would hear my sultry voice, against your ears, begging..."Take me. Make it hurt."

I want you to read me Whitman's and Shakespeare's and Milton's words...fill my head with them so it's swirling...and I am swooning....

You could taste my lips upon yours, ever so gentle...then fiercely parting them...inviting yourself in...

You wont have to imagine. You could...If you wanted to.

Spiraling in this continuum,

-J.C

Only The Most Sacred Crater Will Suit My Burial

Tonight, I am home....the lonely night fills my insides with more empty.... I sat under the marbled sky until the late September air chilled me through...and wondered....

How far will I walk before I find something worth sticking with?

Not something...I need to stop thinking that they are all objects and maybe start referring to them as people...humans...with emotions. 

Nahhhhhh.

Maybe, after all, I am nothing more then a succubus that survives off of the energy of men. Is it possible that I am the kind of woman that will never find true love because I am too worried about feeding from lovers? Do I just lie beneath them to fill my aching body? To calm the rumble in my stomach? To quiet the storm in my loins? Do I continue to place these play things under me to dominate and control...even if it's just for a minute...so I can feel the power?  To feel the rush of energy passing between our hot, quivering bodies?

Maybe, I demand such attention...and I have such urgent needs because I can't control the Goddess inside of me. I can't control my own power that radiates deep within. 

I am overwhelming...to most people...

Something may be brewing...I may have found a counter part to tread the waters of primal desires with me. Maybe.

We. Shall. See. 

You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.

-J.C