I Pray In My Heart That This Dream Never Ends

Silence once again.

Full of sadness as each day passes and I am left broken. 

I want nothing more then to fill my starry nights with more stars. 

To change the color in my eyes. 

I should just leave it alone and take it for what it's worth. 

But it's impossible to take something and hold it tightly. 

The wind always finds away to take it from me. 

Hidden in shadows, 

-J.C.

Familiar Breath Of My Old Life

I'll take this piece of you and hope for all eternity. 

Doors slam.

The ugly girl is in front of me. 

Dancing under a leafless tree. On the frosty grass. 

Reflections of a memory.

He knew each tear before it came.

I turn circles on my tip toes. 

The full moon is hung among the diamond encrusted sky, like a canvas on a crooked easel.

My breath comes out in clouds of steam, it tints my lips blue. 

My white gauze dress is falling around me in ribbons. 

There's nothing compared to the stars tonight. 

Time elapses, passing quicker then sand between my fingers, 

It's all written on my heart.

Chapter after chapter.

Story after story. 

Sonnets of something I tried to banish. 

Stay sleeping. 

Itching eyes. 

Pinned together with razor sharp dreams, like a quilt. 

But still i twirl and spin, dancing in front of you. 

My fingers are numb from the cold. 

Worthless over sick. 

Infected with selfishness. 

Perfecting every move. 

Fill the void that is inside of you with the empty that shapes me.

                                           
                                            I'll take this piece of you and hope for all eternity.

Suffocating, 

-J.C.

Conducting My Ballad With Seven Broken Strings.

Tonight, I fluttered through the fog of November and into the velvet sky. We kissed under the navy blue heavens as we parted ways once again. I felt perfectly safe and wonderful wrapped into your arms as you held me close to you...your fingers lost in my hair...my finger tips tracing small lines on your skin...I felt complete. And it hasnt been this way for many moons....

But....

I have one question and one question alone.

Where do you want this to go?

Floating upon the winds,

-J.C.

Strawberry Ice Cream

Its been 24 hours. Again, i'm left unable to breathe...unable to think straight. Feeling as if im bound and gagged. I dont know why these feelings are so strong. I have never felt so connected, so sure...about someone in my entire life. There has to be something wrong with me. I have to be broken. I dont do this. This isnt like me.
 

All i can think about...all i can see...is the way my golden white hair falls everywhere when im straddling him. The way his beautiful eyes pierce through me, as if he can see deep into my soul. The way his finger tips feel when they trace designs on me that practically sear themselves into my flesh. The way my lips burn when he leaves. The way my entire body erupted in fire when he was deep inside of me. But, most of all....those eyes. So full of life. So mysterious. So beautiful. And its as if he knows me already...as if our paths crossed in some other time period. Some other plane of existence.
 

As much as i hate the way i feel so, out of control, i dont want it to stop. I dont want him to take away the last shred of emotion that i didnt even know i had. Is this the way living is supposed to feel? Ripping, tearing, shredding, destroying, pulsating, sweating, needing, wanting, silken, inside, outside, everywhere. All at once. I dont even think i have words for this. Theres no explanation. No reasoning behind it.
 

He makes me want to fly. To be a better person. He makes me feel beautiful. Wanted. Desired.
 

I want him all to myself. To fold him up in a paisley decorated cloth and hide him in my pocket. I want to be able to tell him everything...every last deep dark haunting secret. I want him to call upon me when his road gets bumpy. I want nothing more then to have every ounce of his love, his adoration, his jealousy, his anger...everything. I want to be able to memorize every scar on his body. I want him to give me his whole self. 

I cant go one second without thinking about him...wondering what hes doing...hoping i'll get to see him before the sun sets on yet another fabulous day. I want him to forever trace hearts in the sky with me. To lay on the earthen floor and count the ways he adores me to the number of stars in the sky.

This has to be a dream. These kinds of feelings dont happen to me. I dont get this way. Why is this one so different? I need to know, and im not going to stop until i find out.

Weaving crowns of flowers, 

-J.C.

Fallen Victim To Encryption

I lay, almost incoherent as the time passes. Slowly. As if Father Time is parsimonious with his seconds. 

I have a secret to tell you as I wait for the clock to chime your arrival.

I didnt know what I was going to do with myself...Until you found me. 

Swept me off my feet and into your arms...I didnt know how many days i had left. 

I was wandering, alone and unheeded, through forest, thick and overgrown. 

No one to hear my calls. No one to see the tears I cried. No you to save me as I traveled deeper and more abysmally into oblivion.

And then you plucked me from the trees that i once thought were impenetrable. You brought me into the sunlight...it made my eyes sting and felt as if it was bleaching my skin. But at the same time, felt warm...safe...welcoming. 

All this time, and you were right in front of me. You were the beginning i was desiring for. 

You and you alone make me feel like I am alive.

-J.C.

A Letter

As i sit here, a lot of things are passing through my mind. There are so many things that i feel like i need to explain. Things that when i say them, might push you away from me. Things that may very well even frighten you, but i feel like they need be said.
My heart has never felt so full. Is it strange to feel so connected...so strong...about a person, even if you have only known them for such a short period of time? Some may say yes...some may say I am crazy...but until they have felt the strong gravitational pull of longing...then they have no idea what I am talking about. You may even think im crazy.
There was a moment...when we lay in bed, with your arm under my head...with your heart echoing in my ears... that i wanted to look into your beautiful eyes and tell you that it felt so right...so natural to be in that exact moment, at that exact time, with you. Im not exactly sure why...or how...but its a feeling. A deep rooted feeling that I cant just shake off. Something has been planted inside of me...and I dont know what to do. You left to go home...and I feel like I cant breathe...And i dont like the feeling of not being able to breathe.

This letter is probably too much, and im sure youll never ever read it, but if you did, im sure you would probably also call me crazy. But isnt it plausible to want to be with someone, even if you dont really know everything about them? I may not know your moms name or anything about your siblings, but i know how you feel when youre pressed against me. I know how your hand fits perfectly in mine. I know the way your lips feel when you match yours to mine. I know how your heart sounds as im tracing my finger tips along your skin.
These feelings i have are not normal for me. I dont let my guard down to anyone. I have a solid wall that i have stacked through the years to keep out any real emotion. So, what do I do when i have a strange emotion overpowering me? I write. Im so sorry if this is too much to even absorb. I just need you to know where i stand, right here...right now.
Its not that hard to love me. Its not that easy to forget me. I am the best thing thats ever happend to some people...and i want to be your best thing. I want to be your safe place away from reality. I want to be your cocoon youre wrapped in to protect you from the world.
 

I want to be your world.
 

Doesnt everyone just want to be happy in life? Doesnt everyone deserve a moment of undying, never ending, truthful bliss?
This isnt a marriage proposal or anything...this is me putting my feelings, my emotions, my entire heart out on the line. I am standing naked before you...getting ready to be judged...scorned...frowned upon.  You like spending time with me...you like the moments we share...so lets make more moments...lets make things more bright and beautiful. Lets dance together, for a long while. ...who knows what the future holds...a lot can happen in 3 years.
Lives can completely change and alter in just a day.
Maybe in time, you will get to read this. Maybe in 3 years. Maybe tomorrow...Probably never...but when or if you do...finish it...and start over again. Know that this is a good....great... thing that is being dangled before your beautiful eyes.
Please dont shun me. Please dont turn your back on me. Please, let brilliant things come from this letter. 

And  this is my letter to you.

-J.C.

Starving... From The Lack Of Your Eyes

There is nothing in this world that I want more right now, then to see you.

To have your piercing eyes looking at me, with such a fierceness that I quiver with lust.

How long has it been?

How long will it be?

How far will it go?

Is it possible to want it? All of it. Whatever "it" may be?

I may not know much about you...but I know how your heart sounds when it's beating on my cheek when we embrace.

I know how your eyes remind me of the sky on a hot summer day.

I have never second guessed myself and didn't involve myself with emotions.

But they are raging. Deep within me. I feel warm everywhere. Hot. Needing.

Where will this story go next?

Wanting everything,

-J.C.