I Walked With You Once Upon A Dream

The night glittered all around us, as the autumn leaves rustled in the breeze. The moon was so big that it illuminated everything around us. 

"You know, we shouldn't be seeing each other." You said. 

"I know, sweet prince, but I just cant stand being away from you. Being with one another is our destiny. You of all people should know that." I breathed, almost whispering. 

The gentle gusts fluttered my ivory skirts and tousled my dark locks. Your hand cupped my cheek and you ran your fingers through my hair. 

"Destiny doesnt mean we should break the law. You are the chosen one. The one that will bring us all out of hiding, my Goddess. You must uphold the laws. And like you said, you of all people should know that." 

I pulled away from your hand, sighed and looked toward the sky. 

"There is nothing in this life, in our past lives or our future lives that will keep us apart. I will suffer any wrath to keep our bond. And when I let the world end, we will still be hand in hand." 

Your lips graze mine and you step away. 

"I have to get back. If they notice I am gone, they will come looking for you. I wont put you in any more danger, my love. Until next time."

And with a slight swirl of wind and leaves, you were gone.

Summer Haze Turned To September Rain

So I have been going through some old blog postings...and I must say...What a mess. I guess, my entire life, I haven't really made any sense. I have always wanted things that I was never able to obtain. I kept making mistake after mistake. I went through a ton of relationships...and the same shit happened, time and time again. 

I feel like, I am in almost the same spot I was 2 years ago, but not quite....and almost the same as last year. Like, I said all the same things...Went through the motions...I said that the relationship I was in was the last of them...because I was so sick and tired of having them end all the same...Because I was so sick of having to start over every single time I got fucked over...I have, once again, moved on...moved along to someone and something better for me...but will this be the end of having to start my life painting all over again? I certainly hope so. 

I let myself get swallowed up in the moment too often...but I am saying right now....putting it in writing....this WILL be the last time I let myself crash into someone....I am so tired of burning...So tired of hurting. 

I feel like thats all i have ever really talked about in old blogs...How bad I was hurting from another man ripping out my heart...But ya know what...if I was meant to burn....let it all burn....Because this is the end of it for me....I feel so strongly about this one...I dont have to ask questions like, Do you really want me? Because...i know the answers. 

I have been craving silence again...but with the way my head works, with the amount of Chaos that's been inside The Elsewhere, there is NO way that I will be able to have any silence. It has gotten so loud in there, I have a constant ringing in my ears. A steady hum...kind of how bagpipes make me semi deaf after I listen to them for too long. Speaking about bagpipes, I probably should be sleeping right now, but it's raining and we all know how frantic my fingers are when it's like this outside. And I can feel the autumn setting in, so that changes my mood extremely. I begin to feel more alive when fall comes creeping up over the hills.

Anywayyyyy....I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow. I am working in a different store that's about 40 minutes away from my home store...But they need help....So that is what I am going to be doing, on my supposedly day off...I hope everyone did well with that Hurricane we got last week...I posted some video on my Youtube account from it...  I'll link ya,  Here!   

Receding with the flood waters, 

-J.C. 


PS- My birthday is in 23 days!

Ein Hundert

I can't believe I am writing my 100th journal entry tonight!!

I am so full of emotion...Like, smiling from ear to ear but at the same time, I just want to cry. 

I feel like some times, people forget me...Like, if i don't write for them, then I am not thought about. I know my voice has long since been carried away on the winds...but maybe, just maybe, I am heard regardless. 

I've just been walking through the days...day after day...just carrying through them...not talking about my lost self...It's kind of like I am in a trance...wake up, work, home, sleep, wake up, work, home, sleep...and so on and so forth...Just doing what I have to....no change...no escape. I feel caught in a whirlwind of redundancy...all the same. Black and white.

Faceless. Nameless. Silence.    If that is how it is...why can't I just stop feeling how I am....Emotionless? I wish. 

I have been craving Home, but I'm not exactly sure where that is...I know where I live...but it feels less and less like Home...like I don't belong...I still, to this day...am not sure where I am wanted...needed...Like I have no place. I feel dirty and rejected. It may not be true...but I feel that way. I just don't want to ever up truly alone...ever, ever again. 

Summer is almost over...It's come to an end...September is finally here....I guess just "wake me up when September ends..."

This isn't how I wanted Journal entry 100 to come out...but this is what its turned into...

Here's to another 100 entries.

-J.C.