I have always tried to be someone who watched out for others…tried
to be the one that people could go to. But eventually, even if you give your
everything, you always end up getting shit on. I have never felt so much hurt
from one person as I have last month. It’s
been like; everything flipped over and was stepped on and destroyed, in one
instant. But even though, I continue trying…either to make conversation or whatever
the case may be, it isn’t enough. It never will be enough. It makes me wonder
if it was EVER enough. I am done trying. I am moving onward with my life now…No
more allowing myself to get hurt over and over and punished over and over. I
tried, so now I will bow out with grace and honor because that’s what I have. Not
playing these games with people anymore. Not playing the he said she said, what
goes around comes around nonsense anymore. You don’t want to include me in your
life, than I am done including you in mine. Done.
And like I said, moving on…….
Wedding is in 5 months!
157 days actually!!! Gah! I can’t believe it is almost here. I have been
working so hard to get everything ready and done. There is still SOO much stuff
that we have to do. But everyone keeps
telling me one thing at a time. I would be able to take on one thing at a time
if people would stop dicking around. I would be able to do things, one at a
time, if the people who are SUPPOSED to be helping me…were around. The biggest
obstacle hasn’t been planning or coming up with ideas for things. The biggest
challenge has been trying to get all of the bridesmaids on the same page. It is
been an issue trying to hang out with these girls. I have seen Shana once since
we started planning stuff. I haven’t seen Amanda, since the dress measurements.
Bethany started a new job that she travels for…Dawn, well…she is around lol. Aja isn’t even an issue anymore because she
bailed out of the wedding. I don’t understand
why it is SO hard to get people to want to see me, do things for this wedding
that THEY said yes to being in, Or
whatever the fuck. I am getting soooo irritated by everyone that it has gotten
to the point where I feel like I don’t need to involve anyone in anything
regarding this wedding anymore. I will and probably could just do it myself.
But If I cut people out….I am being the selfish one. I am
being the bridezilla and I am pushing everyone away…… –rolls
eyes- It never fucking ends.
Wish someone would just make this shit a little easier.
Waiting on some answers,
-J.C.
