Summer Haze Turned To September Rain

So I have been going through some old blog postings...and I must say...What a mess. I guess, my entire life, I haven't really made any sense. I have always wanted things that I was never able to obtain. I kept making mistake after mistake. I went through a ton of relationships...and the same shit happened, time and time again. 

I feel like, I am in almost the same spot I was 2 years ago, but not quite....and almost the same as last year. Like, I said all the same things...Went through the motions...I said that the relationship I was in was the last of them...because I was so sick and tired of having them end all the same...Because I was so sick of having to start over every single time I got fucked over...I have, once again, moved on...moved along to someone and something better for me...but will this be the end of having to start my life painting all over again? I certainly hope so. 

I let myself get swallowed up in the moment too often...but I am saying right now....putting it in writing....this WILL be the last time I let myself crash into someone....I am so tired of burning...So tired of hurting. 

I feel like thats all i have ever really talked about in old blogs...How bad I was hurting from another man ripping out my heart...But ya know what...if I was meant to burn....let it all burn....Because this is the end of it for me....I feel so strongly about this one...I dont have to ask questions like, Do you really want me? Because...i know the answers. 

I have been craving silence again...but with the way my head works, with the amount of Chaos that's been inside The Elsewhere, there is NO way that I will be able to have any silence. It has gotten so loud in there, I have a constant ringing in my ears. A steady hum...kind of how bagpipes make me semi deaf after I listen to them for too long. Speaking about bagpipes, I probably should be sleeping right now, but it's raining and we all know how frantic my fingers are when it's like this outside. And I can feel the autumn setting in, so that changes my mood extremely. I begin to feel more alive when fall comes creeping up over the hills.

Anywayyyyy....I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow. I am working in a different store that's about 40 minutes away from my home store...But they need help....So that is what I am going to be doing, on my supposedly day off...I hope everyone did well with that Hurricane we got last week...I posted some video on my Youtube account from it...  I'll link ya,  Here!   

Receding with the flood waters, 

-J.C. 


PS- My birthday is in 23 days!