Thursday, September 1, 2011

Ein Hundert

I can't believe I am writing my 100th journal entry tonight!!

I am so full of emotion...Like, smiling from ear to ear but at the same time, I just want to cry. 

I feel like some times, people forget me...Like, if i don't write for them, then I am not thought about. I know my voice has long since been carried away on the winds...but maybe, just maybe, I am heard regardless. 

I've just been walking through the days...day after day...just carrying through them...not talking about my lost self...It's kind of like I am in a trance...wake up, work, home, sleep, wake up, work, home, sleep...and so on and so forth...Just doing what I have to....no change...no escape. I feel caught in a whirlwind of redundancy...all the same. Black and white.

Faceless. Nameless. Silence.    If that is how it is...why can't I just stop feeling how I am....Emotionless? I wish. 

I have been craving Home, but I'm not exactly sure where that is...I know where I live...but it feels less and less like Home...like I don't belong...I still, to this day...am not sure where I am wanted...needed...Like I have no place. I feel dirty and rejected. It may not be true...but I feel that way. I just don't want to ever up truly alone...ever, ever again. 

Summer is almost over...It's come to an end...September is finally here....I guess just "wake me up when September ends..."

This isn't how I wanted Journal entry 100 to come out...but this is what its turned into...


Here's to another 100 entries.
-J.C.





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