Saturday, May 14, 2011

Aches & Pains

Warning: This is me bitching....

My entire body fucking hurts. Everywhere...my ankles, my knees, my hips, my back and shoulders, my wrists and my neck....everywhere.
As wonderful as it's going to be getting everything taken care of, getting a great apartment, finding a new car etc...I would very much like to be alive to enjoy it. 

I've been having more and more frequent heart issues, that I haven't mentioned to anyone because i dont need anyone worrying about me. But it's like it cant keep the beat steady, ever. I seriously dread going to Friday's because of the stupid fucking "training" I am having to complete before they will let me on the floor alone and before I am allowed to keep my tips. So, the said dread turns to anxiety and before you know it, BAM....helloooo super palpitations.And it lasts the entire time I am there...

But I have to do it...I have to go through with it...I cant give up...I need this job like I need oxygen...I have to keep going, keep doing it...turning everyday into 13 hour work days if i need to...I have to.... even if it kills me. 

I just hope things start getting taken care of soon... I hope Adam and I can get enough saved to get an apartment, so we can move in together...I want it, so bad. I want it way more worse then I want my heart to beat correctly...


I just dont want to wear the bottoms of my feet to the bone, because thats what it feels like, right now...I have a blister thats throbbing...and I am too scared to pop it because I am going to be working 13 1/2 hours straight tomorrow, and I dont want it rubbing on my work shoes. Those shoes already hurt like hell. 

I need to eat. I have so much shit on my mind today that I forgot to...


With eyes burning and joints aching, 
-J.C.

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