Everything has been on fire...Everything is burning around me...Turning to ashes and barely smoldering. Why can't I need myself anymore? Why does it feel like there isn't anything under my feet...? It feels like....when you're walking down stairs in the dark, and you forget there is a last step...and you get that feeling of tumbling...falling...It may seem like forever before you actually hit the floor and then its over...But i dont feel like this falling feeling is going to fade away any time soon...
And that destroys me.
I just want some silence...I want to be able to go home...but where is home and how do I get there? Where do I belong? Where is my place? Why do I feel like I'm not wanted? Is it all true? Am I just as hated, worthless, weak, and ugly as they always told me? As everything makes me feel.
Why do these ghosts haunt me so bad? Why do they eat away at me? They rip and tear and shred my soul. How much more are they going to turn my flesh to ribbons before I don't have anything left to make a mess? I'm sitting alone. Again....I only have my own thoughts...I only have The Elsewhere...which even that has been cold...Im starting to see all my beautiful roses wither there....the summer has ended....I wish I could make it eternal....but with all the rain thats been coming down inside my head....everything is rotting.....too much water.
The things I thought i put behind me have resurfaced....Is it because of all the water bringing things up? Kind of how coffins will float to the top of the earth if there is a flood?
How much more can I take? How much can I stand? Im supposed to be strong...powerful....I used to be a Goddess....I am supposed to be a Daughter of the Moon....Where is my strength?
I am slowly being killed...day by day....I am being slowly murdered.
Who is going to save me this time? Because, somehow, I have forgotten how to swim...
Feeling lost at sea,
-J.C.
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