Selfishness Times Infinity

This is just going to be a ridiculous fucking rant about something thats really really bothering me, and I am sorry to bore the shit out everyone, but I have to just get it out. 

Past couple of weeks, I have been slowly buying things for the wedding. Little things, like ribbon and table scatter and some bigger things like the glass vases for the center pieces. I also purchased a veil. Well, when the veil arrived at the house, I was so excited and took it out for mom and Garrett to see, and I went to go show my sister, Amanda, because A- she is my sister and B- she is also one of my bridesmaids....All she said to me was, "I dont want to see your fucking veil." Ooook. So I blew it off as she was just being cranky.

Then the other day, I asked her straight out if she was still wanting to be in the wedding...and all she had to do was run her mouth about how unhappy I am going to be once I am married and blah blah blah. So, once again, I let it go. 

Then yesterday, I showed her the dresses that I picked for my bridesmaids to wear and she says to me, "Those are fucking ugly. I'm not wearing that." First off, the dresses arent ugly at ALL. They are very romantic and elegant. Second of all, why the fuck cant she just be happy for me, and support me and TRY to act interested because she is my SISTER and loves me? 

Is that too much to ask for? Is a little support too much to ask for? She is entitled to her opinion, but seriously, come on...every little thing out of her mouth is negative and I am so sick and fucking tired of feeling like shit because she has something to say. 

And then she passed a comment about how she would be a bridesmaid in my next wedding.

I know you all are going to say something along the lines of...dont worry about her and just do for you.....but truth be told, I want, more then anything, for her to be a part of this with me.

I am to the point where I just want to give up and let her say and do as she please, because if any of you know my sister, you'll know that she doesn't break on her "opinion." If this is the way she is going to be, then I guess she isnt going to be a part of the wedding and honestly, I dont want to be surrounded by her negativity and her rotten attitude. So if that is what she wants, she wont be welcome to the wedding at ALL. 

She wants to act like a child...she is going to be treated as such. 

It just seriously fucking stresses me out and absolutely breaks my heart that she isnt even willing to shut up and bite the bullet and do this for me. I dont ask her for anything...And I guess I should have expected this, because this is just the way she is. I should have never even asked her to be in the wedding. I should have known better. 

But I thought, just for once, that she would be happy for me. I thought, maybe...just once...she could control her attitude and think of someone other then herself...........just once.

I guess I thought wrong. 

Trying to control my nerves,

-J.C.