Sunday, August 21, 2011

Severe Thunderstorms

Theres been rain storm after rainstorm... rumbles of thunder, one after the next...streaks of lightening constantly littering the sky. 

Thats how my soul feels today. I am so full of rage...uncertainty. Like these storms. My hands wont stop shaking...my heart keeps pounding. I have been sick, over and over again...so much, my face is blotchy. I am so overwhelmed...Sad, angry, scared...I am full of doubt. My breathing is shallow. 

I feel like I have nothing...like everything is being ripped out from my body. When my heart gets ripped out, I'll mail it to you...in a lime green box. Then I will be as empty as I feel.

My head is in an uproar...Swirling with pain. I have a migraine so fierce that I cant see out of my right eye. Its completely blind.

I am so angry that I want to break things, just so I can hear glass shatter. Just so I can rip and tear and create absolute chaos, so I can maybe attempt to be calm. Would it even help?

I dont want to lose him. But if I do, it might be alright, because I would rather be completely hated then not loved. At least there would be some sort of emotion. Hate is stronger then love anyway. 


I think I am going to be sick again.

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