Christmas came...and went...And as it passed through the homes of many bringing joy, excitement, new things...it brought an ending of a chapter in my life's story.
I wrote a blog just after midnight on Christmas day...and no sooner was I done spilling my overly fuzzed out thoughts of perfection...my Grandma padded her way down the hall to my mom's room, and asked her to come quickly. Merely minutes after I posted my previous blog...my Grandpa had passed away from a massive heart attack whilst sleeping on the couch in the living room. While I was writing, my grandfather was dying.
It was such an odd turn of events for my joyous christmas.
But, when one chapter ends in my life...another always seems to begin directly after. I suppose that's the way it's supposed to play out though...when you read a book...doesn't it always work that way?
Christmas went as normal as possible after everyone returned home from Saint Luke's. We opened gifts and made dinner...
Adam was with me, through the whole thing...he held me when I cried, pet me until I fell asleep...Without him just being near me through this whole ordeal...I probably would have seriously lost it...and no running my fingers through my hair would have helped. He is seriously my savior...he's saved me from so much, that I couldnt even begin to tell you how grateful I really am. The bond that him and I share is so unlike anything I have ever experienced before. It's like he knows every tear before it falls. He knows when to touch me...he knows when to leave me alone...he knows exactly what to say to me and when to say it.
He knows how much a simple touch of his hand can steady my own shaking ones.
So, although Destiny has pulled a piece of my life away from me...it has also given me something so wonderful and pure and beautiful that I should drop to my knees and thank the Gods for leading me to him. My heart has never felt so full...so complete then it does right now. This is where I am planning to spend my forever...no matter what. My soul belongs entwined to his. When I look into his eyes and see him smile at me...every bad thing that has ever happened...every heartache I have ever felt...every tear that i have ever cried out of misery......it doesnt exist anymore...and all that matters is his presence. All that matters is that moment...and i can NOT wait to spend every moment, for the rest of my entire life, being with him, loving him, protecting him, and sharing myself with him...for as long as we both shall live.
I know a blog/journal entry isnt the best way to confess my undying devotion to you, Adam Edwards...but for me, it's easier to do so then it is to speak.
I promise, with everything I have, to always be by your side...through thick and thin...and I will do anything in my power to make sure that your life is full of happiness and love and never ending bliss...My heart belongs to you...every last beating inch of it. My body, my soul, my mind...everything that is me, belongs to you...and I can not tell you enough how greatly i love you. And i will love you, honor you and forever and always give myself to you...as long as there is breath in my body. Forever Faithfully, I am yours.
I can't wait for our life to root itself...and we can watch it blossom as each day passes.
I long for sleep. My eyes are screaming at me to shut them, so I suppose I will end this on that note.
Loving without any doubts,
-J.C.
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