One Lonely Tree With Purple Flowers

So, i wanted to start this blog a couple of days ago, but i kind of got sidetracked by my inability to say anything...so, here I am, like, 3 days later, back to the same titled blog...staring at my laptop screen wondering what to put down...something, anything...so people know i am still alive...

But, i had some minor inspiration today while i walked along the shore of Jax Beach, in Jacksonville, Florida. It was hot today, about 86-ish, give or take...but it was so awesome to feel such wonderful warmth in the middle of April...actually, come to think of it, i felt warmth like this last April when i was in florida for chelsie and jason's wedding. (which whom i love and miss so very much, and the lauren also) But anyway...the day started off with me in a shitty mood...no caffeine, crazy tired, anxious as all fuck, and the fact that the cleaning lady walked into the hotel room this morning without knocking kind of ruffled my feathers...So, needless to say, i was a fucking cranky bitch...

When we got to the beach, it was crowded...way too many people on the beach for my taste...the sun was hot, but nice...the water was way cold first getting in...but about ten minutes later, i kind of adjusted...and then it was nice swimming and wave jumping. Then, i remembered why i wanted to go to the beach so bad....get some tan going on. 

So, back to the sand I went...i somehow managed to fall asleep on my belly...when I woke up, It was time to put fuel in the tank (eat) and get some alcohol in my blood stream (mmm, pina colada)...Afterwords...went back to the truck and I fell asleep again...and when i woke up...i fucking HURT...sun burn EVERYWHERE...like, it hurt to even move from where i was...I very delicately put on a light sundress, and went back to the beach to treasure hunt...which was kind of balls because beings this beach is so populated, i didnt find nearly as many treasures as i was hoping for, but got a few really nice treasures that i get to take home. :)

But, vacation only lasts for so long...so tomorrow morning, we will be heading back home...which i am extremely thankful for. I mean, dont get me wrong, i had a good time on this adventure and the beach was well worth it...but, enough is enough...I need to go home. I have so much shit that I have to take care of and so many things that I want to do...I have been gone waaaay longer then i thought i was going to be, and right about now, (even though being on the beach was awesoooomeeee) i just would really really REALLY like to get home. Ya know how in the winter, when you sit in the house for too long because the weather is shit...and you just want to get outside and have nice weather...i guess this is whats happening...although Attila called it "  box fever."  I just want to go home and sleep in my own bed...cuddle with my snugglies and spend some time with the people i have been away from for a week and a half...I really dont know how people can be a trucker for their entire lives... i would lose my fucking mind, and it hasnt even been 2 weeks yet...I need to get home, do laundry, and start my diet back up because the food on the road makes me feel like shit...just saying. Its back to fruit and nuts for me... lmao. 

I havent been feeling like myself lately...like theres something missing...an empty feeling, deep in the pit of my stomach and i dont like it, at all. Like theres a chunk out of me...like someone ripped it from right out of my body...or my soul. I feel like half a person...and my moods reflect it. Sigh. I dont know...i thought the beach would fill this void...i thought being in the ocean water would cleanse me of this emptiness...but it just made it worse...like, right now, at this moment...i want to just go for a walk...clear my head...listen to the night around me...but i cant. I have no fucking idea where I am, and even if i did...the bottom of my feet are burned and it hurts to even have them on the floor with me sitting. Never mind, i'll shut up...

And i really need to do something about work (because i just may have lost my job because i have been away too long)...If there was a way to come up with 1,500$ right away...someone needs to tell me...because i NEED to move the FUCK out of my house...Anyone want to lend me 1,500 bucks? Please? I need to come up with at least 500 asap because I have phone bill, computer/Evo payment and i would really like to get some summer clothes, because I have barely any...I'd like to dye my hair...I have to give my mom money...ugh. I fucking hate my life sometimes...

But yeah...to sum everything up, the beach was beautiful, (the sand felt like super fine sugar) i was a cranky jerk most of the day, (until i got my delicious frappe and started the caffeine flow) im super super sun burned, (although the tan thats coming after this will be fabulous) I am terribly home sick and i have box fever like whoa, (i just want to get OUTTTTT!) ...i feel like I am missing a part of myself and im kind of sad about feeling this way in such a beautiful area. (hopefully it goes away when i get home and can snuggle my loves) and finally...i need money...now...(help?)

Well, shit....i guess I could have just wrote that last paragraph and got away with an entire blog entry...

-shrugs- 

whatever....enjoy.

Burning up and falling down,

-J.C.