Faith Is Moving Without Knowing

The time has been passing like the rise and fall of the ocean's tide. I have been doing nothing but over thinking everything. My life right now, the way it will be, the way it SHOULD be...My head aches from all the static in it. It sounds like a roar of noise, it echoes in my ears and slowly brings my blood to boil. I can't sit still. Too much worry and anxiousness. But, at the same time, a stillness...as if the wind in the Elsewhere exists no more. 

I still wish I could fly...just spread my wings and take flight into the diamond encrusted night sky...to fill my senses with the velvety touch of navy blue that surrounds me. There wouldn't be a care in the world if i was up high, breathing in the purity of the galaxies around me. And there I went on a rambling path of word vomit. 

Is it so wrong that I just want to see the world...to have journey after adventure of amazing-ness? Where is the end of nothing and the beginning of everything. 

I wish i was on some exotic island somewhere right now...Just laying in the golden sunlight and white as snow sand...letting the earth take away every last ounce of sorrow that pulsates through me. 

I hate making such drastic choices...things that i know will alter my life completely...sometimes i believe the choices have been made for me...that im walking a prefabricated destiny and that i have no say in the things i do and my free will was swallowed when i was born...

I am too much of a free spirit to be chained down to something that was already written. Am i making any kind of sense? Probably not...i am in one of my coffee comas...i cant feel my feet because they are so cold right now...my stomach is growling...

But it isn't food my body craves. Its freedom. The gypsy that is part of my body needs to run through a meadow of wild flowers that will smile up at me with their pretty little faces...I need to bury my feet in hot sand as i sip a pina colada and listen to the waves crashing to the shore...i need the sunlight...some new surrounding to indulge in...new people, new steps....a new path...

I need it. And i can feel it singing, calling....begging for me to find the escape door out of the Elsewhere for a little while...just so i can learn how to breathe again. I have forgotten to take in breath, and it seems like no one even noticed im turning blue. 

And, the time will continue passing like the rise and fall of the ocean's tide. 

In silent moments and in silent tears, 

-J.C.