I cant decide whats going on. Its like im on carousel, going round and round. Music ringing in my ears...Getting louder and louder and each time it makes another turn, the music screams in my ears. I cant focus on whats around me...its all a blur, like i have fuzz stuck to my eyeballs.
The carousel spins faster, swirling round and round. The hard plastic horse im straddling smirks at me. Its painted on smile gawks at me, making me dizzy with color. Round and Round, Faster and faster. And as if it can read my mind, it slows to a stop. I see stars. Blazing all around me, purple and white, as if they have been cut out of the sun itself..
I slide off of the horse shaped torment, and stumble forward. Im in a forest, and no leaves shape the trees. They are all bare and the brown leaves litter the ground, just like the way my clothes littered your bedroom floor. I bring myself to that for a moment, and pain wretches through my stomach, bringing vomit to my lips. It hurts. I close my eyes and spew my contents, which is tainted with blood, and wipe my lips. red stains my hand.
This is what ive been reduced to.
Silent thoughts, that rip through my body, and scaring my soul with the image of your eyes, shadowing my face with their brilliant color. I stand on a tree stump, thats covered in moss, overlooking a creek. Its gurgling over ice encrusted rocks, as the ice juts out of the water. I can still see your eyes in the back of my mind. The sun shines on me, shines only on this one spot, and warms me slightly, sending shivers through my body. My breath comes out in clouds of white steam, and tints my lips purple.
Green moss covers the banks of the creek, soft, quiet and welcoming me. I step off my stump and walk down the bank. I slip off my shoes, and all of my clothes, leaving a torn, stained white gown on it's shores. An un-used wedding dress. I ease one foot into the frigid water and let it come up to my knee before bringing the other leg in. Its up to my waist now and its sharp coldness, taking me in, like an open mouth. I slip my shoulders into the water and take a deep breath as i go under. I let the rushing water consume me, and try to let it consume the memories that i have of you. Those eyes, your hands and your lips, that reveal your perfect smile.
I turn blue and take a breath, and fill my lungs with the watery fall. My vision blurs and your laughter echoes in my ears...I hear the light sound of a piano somewhere far away. I breathe again, and everything grows dark and hazy. If i have to ruin these memories, then i'll ruin myself while doing it.
I lay face down on top of the icy water, completely naked. I watch from the shore, as the white dress reflects sunlight off of it. Theres no more me, theres no more you...no more life.
Broken and carried away. Carried away by the current. My body floats under ice, and i can see my face through it. My lips frozen blue, my red lips in an eternal smile. We are both carried away. The snow starts falling, as i walk away. My body gets swept away...But long live you. Long live your eyes. Forever blazing in my mind. I clutch the gown to my chest as I walk away. Tears fall onto my face and freeze. They look like diamonds.
I leave.
Ive Left.
Long live the memories.
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