Sunday, January 23, 2011

Has The Clocked Chimed?

The years have been ticking by and as each one passes, I learn new and valuable life lessons. Ya know, I sat back the other day and thought to myself how lucky I was to have the same friends I grew up with still in my life. As much as they're in my life, they lead their own and sometimes, more so then not, it has little or nothing to do with me. 

For example. Shana and i grew up together...been inseparable since 7th grade. We still see each other, but not as often as i would like. She is starting her career, which she is amazing at and has her life pretty much figured out. Almost. 

Aja and I have always been crazy close also...but recently, her visits and/or calls have been very far and few between. She's having her second child and there are plans for a wedding in the air for her. 

Charlie and I haven't spoken in weeks. Jessy became a raging cunt. 

I guess thats what happens as you get older...people just fall out of touch because their life is expanding beyond you. Everyone has so much going on in their lives...starting a career, starting a family...And I am still circulating in the same old shit. 

Maybe if i hadn't left New York a shit load of times, I would have a great career. Maybe if I didn't have to keep starting over in relationships, I would be starting a family...or even have one already. 

I'm not saying I am unhappy...by no means am I unhappy about certain aspects of my life. I have the best man anyone could ask for standing by my side. I have a job and a roof over my head...it may not be the best job or the place i want to live...but i have it. I just wish sometimes that I chose my path more carefully...more responsibly. 

I just want so much out of life. I want to be the best and have the best because I deserve the best. I want a job I look forward to going to and that will pay for the things i want, instead of dreading work...working my ass off...and my checks being gone before i even get them. I want a home, with my Adam, where I'm excited to come to...where it's mine and I can do what i want without people being in my shit or bitching and screaming for some reason or another. I don't want to have to worry about how I'm going to pay my next phone bill or rent...or what I'm going to eat for dinner. I want to always be warm...I don't want to sit in my room, alone...writing depressing blogs because there isn't anyone who doesn't have something to do that wants to spend time with me. 

But, now I sleep...It's been a tiring day and I have many things that has to be done tomorrow...like laundry and house chores. And to prepare for the mass amounts of snow we are supposed to be getting this week. I'm sick of the cold and the snow already. I want the sun and the sand. And apples. 

All eyes on me, 
-J.C.

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